The Prostate Son

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An excerpt:

Dad shuffled out of the house, grabbing his jacket as he went out the door, started the car, and Mom hustled after him. They drove away into a light gray afternoon. Then it was a drive to a urologist. Then it was a drive to Roswell Park Cancer Institute.

Mom couldn’t bear to ride with him, so she sent him away early that morning, and I drove him. I shook his hand after his sage advice to a married man who’d fathered four children, holding his hand, really, holding it in a religious bond. It was good advice.

When I was seventeen, Mom and Dad went to Europe with my sister, leaving me behind to work, to save up for college, and to save up for my own trip to Europe after I graduated from high school. The very day they boarded the airplane, my relationship with Amy soured. We didn’t break up, but she decided to tell me she was seeing Brad. “I thought we were going steady,” I said. I tried to play it cool because Amy was tall and fair, and very hip. She put the chic in chick, man, and all of us who went for the alternative labels in our musical tastes—all of us went for Amy, so she could afford to choose. “I really did,” I said. “I thought we were going steady.”

“Is that what you want?” she said back to me, in an absolutely unforeseen response. I was bracing myself for something more along the lines of “Well, no, we aren’t going steady, you silly boy,” or “I don’t believe in such limitations.” Indeed, the latter was what I expected to hear because for Amy, it was freedom. She only wanted freedom, and I felt like I had won some sort of sweepstakes to be pulled into her orbit.

Months after our first meeting, we had our first kiss. Months.

The Prostate Son

The Roar of Rushing Waters

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An excerpt:

He lifted his eyes up from the path, turning his body so that the roar of the rushing waters was to his right, far below him, now louder than the applauding trees. Up he meant to climb, but he was looking for the lightning-struck stump. A generation ago it had been struck, his daddy once told him, and once it was struck by lightning, light could no longer escape, so it stood against the shadowed green of the summer woods as an obelisk, marking the way to the Indian corn grinder. He closed his eyes, remembering how his daddy held his hand and pointed. Was the obelisk up a little? Or was it straight in front of him, resting upon the top of the bluffs as he was? He remembered. He opened his eyes and peered: there it was, up a little. The top of the bluffs served as a path, but not without treachery, for the river in places suddenly snaked toward the bluffs, reaching to pull out foundational stones with a great crack of victory, leaving only the deception of safety.

To the great obelisk, now showing green, spring green in August, moss flourishing on the north side at the end of this wet summer, he climbed. Straight up the hill from the stump was the Indian corn grinder, a cup hewn into the top of a projection of bedrock, waist high on an Indian maiden, chest high on an unnipped boy named Bud. Around the corn grinder had been a village, strung out along a flat spot on this steep hill, protected below by the bluffs of the river, protected from above by sheer inclination, accessible from either side, but only in single file. Bud fingered the marks where his older uncles, who stood in his mind like a towering jury of the unjust, had tried to cut the corn grinder out of the hill in order to sell it, but had been disappointed to find that it was, indeed, a part of the foundations of the earth itself. Bud heard whispering, but he was not afraid: it was the forest, whispering to him beneath the roar of the rushing waters.

The Roar of Rushing Waters

The Gun Cabinet Is in The Basement

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An excerpt:

Reanna says to Charles, Jr., who is trying to eat his beef stew, “They’ve both been so different since Stephanie moved to Colorado.”

The storm rumbles and grumbles in the basement, and then a sharp crack: the unmistakable sound of the action of a shotgun being opened and closed.

Charles, Jr.’s eyes grow wide with fear. He stops eating and looks across the table at his sister. “You don’t think…”

“Don’t be silly,” Reanna whispers.

They listen to the rumbling, grumbling storm downstairs, punctuated by the action of many shotguns, rifles, and pistols being opened and closed, along with a few muffled exclamations, such as, “Enough is enough,” and “That’s the last time,” and other unintelligible oaths and curses, all uttered in exasperation, frustration, and anger. Finally, clearly, they hear, “Why bother going on like this?”

Charles reappears, holding one hand behind his back and standing stiffly erect, his eyes screwed up into dark holes. “Where’s your mother?” he demands of his children. Reanna and Charles, Jr. both freeze, staring at him.

The Gun Cabinet Is in The Basement

Francois Repents

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An excerpt:

Odd ducks sometimes find safe waters when all the swans get their tails shot off. Francois landed in Information Technology just as it was becoming a demand, while manufacturing and labor opportunities were becoming scarce. With the extra money he had, even as a young man, he bought a nice house outside North Tonawanda, in quiet Pendleton, where he and Jenny started having babies, and he started a stamp collection. To Jenny he was adamant: he was not a stamp collector; he was a philatelist. He studied stamps as a hobby, over against collecting them for trade. She hitched the baby on her hip and rolled her eyes: he had a whole room in the house dedicated to stamps. He subscribed to two stamp magazines: Philatelism Today and Modern Stamper. Rare and valuable stamps were specially mounted and displayed. He bought special lights and specially-coated glass to preserve the stamps from harmful ultra-violet rays. Yes, he was an odd duck.

The odd duck became obsessed with his hobby, speaking endlessly of new finds and old curiosities. “Did you know the oldest stamp was first issued by Great Britain in 1840? It’s called the ‘penny black’ because it was black, and it only cost a penny. But it is not so valuable as the rare Swedish Three Skilling Banco, which sold for over $2 million. Did you know that?” Day in and day out, Francois obsessed, coming to dinner late, wolfing his food to rush back to his stamp room. Jenny didn’t think Francois was doing anything wrong, per se, but she was concerned about the obsession. She noticed that to have any conversation with Francois was to gaze into his blank stare while his mind rallied around something to do with stamps, stamp collecting, and the study of stamps. She sighed, hoping the obsession was a passing fancy.

Francois Repents

The Demolition of a Mother, Part 2

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An Excerpt

There, in the lamplight of his narrow above-ground hole, air-conditioned cool, but still damp, like the earth itself, without any television or radio, he sipped at his vodka, reminiscing, watching a water bug and a silverfish route themselves amicably to a common goal found somewhere behind the wall. Once the vodka glass was empty, he rose from his seat, went to a closet near his bedroom, pulled out a lock box, unlocked it, and wrapped his hand around his .45. He gave its muzzle a kiss, loaded a magazine into its grip, then went outside and around to the back of his trailer, where he shot at some shredded targets, practicing his grouping.

“Guess I’ve got to call some time,” he said, after the magazine was empty.

He went back inside, and after returning his pistol to its safe, he sat back down and poured another double-shot. He stared into the dark TV screen, contemplating while he sipped on his vodka. About halfway into that glass, he picked up the phone and dialed the number. The line did not ring; it went straight to voice mail, which confused Ernest. When the beep came, he stammered, “Yeah, uh, listen, Terrell, this is your father; I know: long time, no see. Or hear. You know. Yeah, uh, listen, Terrell, your Grandma Maude is dead. You can call me back. If you want. Yeah. Okay, bye. Love you.” He searched for the button on the number pad which ended the call. “I wish you could just hang these things up.” Vodka had made him forget that he could simply fold the phone closed.

The Demolition of a Mother, Part 2

The Demolition of a Mother, Part 1

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An excerpt

“Odd,” she said to herself aloud. “It’s February. Why is Willie outside riding his bicycle?” She looked out the window again. “Oh no,” she said. Her heart had corrected her mistake before her mind had allowed. “Oh dear God, no.” She dropped her potato into the sink and jerked her head toward the living room, where, above the mantlepiece hung her crucifix, given to her at her Confirmation when she was thirteen years old. Seven years later she had given birth to Willie, delivering him to a proud William who had only eleven months earlier promised before God and man to care for her, to give himself up for her, and provide everything she needed to make him a house and a home till death did them part, and she delivered. He sang a doxology while he cried, holding up the boy, even as Zechariah sang when his tongue was loosed at the birth of John. “Ah, praise God,” William sang. “He has remembered us, Maude. Even us, a poor farm family doing the best we can to tear something up out of Adam’s cursed earth, he has remembered.”

Maude fell happily asleep with her baby in arms. “William, Jr.” she whispered as she forgot the pain.

Dust was not rising, but snow. It was not Willie riding his bicycle on the road, but a United States Army sedan, riding through drifts of snow, which rose up into the wind, whence they were whipped along the surface of the plains until the wind grew tired and rose up to regather its strength, releasing its present quarry to form another drift somewhere else along the road. The sun, hanging low in the southern horizon, never blinked, guiding the sedan without remorse.

“Ernest!” she cried. “Ernest, come here!” William was in one of the out buildings tending the animals. She slumped to the floor beneath the mantlepiece, clutching the ottoman, and she remembered the day the draft notice arrived. She held it in her hand, shaking with rage. “Why not class II-C?” she demanded of her husband. “Why not class II-C?”

“Our farm isn’t big enough, I suppose,” said William. “I suppose. I don’t know. I don’t know.”

“What is it, Mama?” Ernest said to his mother. “Why are you on the floor crying? What happened? Are you hurt?”

“Bless your heart, yes,” said Maude. “Run outside and fetch your father. It is terrible. Terrible!”

Ernest heard the wrath in her heart pouring into her voice, so he ran, pulling on his boots in mid-stride, and without pulling on an overcoat, to fetch his father. By the time William and Ernest returned, Maude had composed herself and was listening.

 

The Demolition of a Mother, Part 1

The Primal Flower, Chapter 8

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Eventually…

An excerpt:

I waited for Lily’s father to return home. “Rescue must die soon,” I blurted out, “but I do not know how to put him to his end.”

“Mercy will dictate,” said Lily’s father. “Mercy always dictates. How do you know your dog is sick to death?”

“Your brother says so,” I accused.

Lily’s father went over to Rescue. Rescue was suspicious of Lily’s father, but was not afraid of him. He did not wag his tail, but he did allow him to pet him, lifting up his head to receive a fine scratch on the chin.

“Yes,” said Lily’s father. “It is so.”

Pain came into my body at his word. “Is it because we let him outside in the rain?” I asked.

“No. Probably not.”

“Then why?” I was fighting tears, but these tears were not for my damn dog; they were for a host of spirits and immaterial effects and clouds and fogs that floated in me according to an unseen will, a will that was intent on pressing against my will, with an ability to touch nerves deep in my insides so that my mouth opened with nonsense, nonsense that was perfectly sensible when my dog was now dying and would die for a long time. I wanted my dog to come with me, to chase after butterflies and squirrels, to alert me to comers and goers, to be beside me at night, and to be a general companion, even if Shur-qa-hil was the guide. The trip north was for me and my dog. Me and my dog! My dog and me, who had no home, together, homeless, free, and far away.

Who loved Shur-qa-hil? That horrible, fat, corrupt, know-it-all, pompous, hairy monster!

“Rescue has lived his life a happy dog,” said Lily’s father. “As we all live our lives happy dogs.”

“Happy dogs!” I shouted.

“Our Father in heaven teaches us mercy by giving us dogs to care for. Did you ever make a slave of your dog?” he asked, being patient with me.

“No.”

“Did you let him do what dogs do?” he asked.

“Of course.”

“Did you clean him, feed him, tend to his hurts, pet him, tell him he was good, and otherwise take care of him?” he asked.

“Yes. For the most part,” I said. “I liked to just let him run around.”

“What more are you hoping for your own life?” asked Arret. “Do you desire mercy when the end of your time comes?”

More pain came into my body. Couldn’t the end of my time come very soon? Lily came into the room. She had been napping. Her face was flush with the awakening of recent sleep. I did not answer.

“Show mercy to your dog,” said Lily’s father, “and your Father in heaven will show mercy to you.”

The Primal Flower, Chapter 8